Listening so people feel heard
🔵 Wellness practice
Feeling heard is one of the most helpful things we can offer a child, a partner or a parent. Listening is a skill, and it can be practised.
Four simple habits
- Pause what you are doing. Put the phone down and turn towards the person.
- Let them finish. Avoid interrupting, and avoid preparing your answer while they talk.
- Say back what you heard. For example: “So you felt left out when they decided without you?” This checks that you understood.
- Ask before advising. “Do you want ideas, or do you want me to just listen?”
Try it: the 3-minute listen
Ask someone how their day went. Listen for three minutes without giving advice. Then say back one thing you heard. Notice how it feels for both of you.
Listening does not mean agreeing. You can understand a feeling and still hold a different view.
When it feels hard
If you are angry or very tired, it is fine to say, “I want to hear this properly. Can we talk in twenty minutes?” Then come back to it.