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⏸️ Pause before you react

🔵 Wellness practice

In heated moments we often say things we regret. A short pause gives your thinking brain time to catch up. Remember four letters: S-T-O-P.

Two people facing each other, one shouting angrily.You never listen!

A person holding up a hand like a stop sign.STOP
1S – Stop
Freeze for a moment. Do not send, shout or slam. Silently say 'stop'.
A person breathing out slowly.In… and out…
2T – Take a breath
One or two slow breaths, with a longer out-breath.
A person thinking about their own feelings and the other person's feelings.I'm hurt. They seemtired too.
3O – Observe
Notice: what am I feeling? What do I want to happen? What might the other person feel?
Two people talking calmly, one saying 'Can we talk after dinner?'.I felt hurt. Can we talkafter dinner?
4P – Proceed
Now choose your words. Speak about your feeling and need: 'I felt hurt. Can we talk after dinner?'

Real-life example

A colleague sends a rude message. Meena types a sharp reply, then stops, breathes, and notices she is tired and embarrassed. She replies the next morning: 'Let's sort out the report together.'

A common mistake

Thinking a pause means giving in. Pausing is not agreeing; it lets you respond in a way you will not regret.

Try the activity

Practise choosing helpful responses in short real-life scenes.

Try the relationship scenarios

Quick recap

  1. Stop
  2. Take a breath
  3. Observe, then proceed

Related resources

Sources
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